And the Next Great Food Idea Is …

As much as I hate commercial television (primarily for the commercials), I occasionally succumb to the mindlessness and have the set on in the background.  Every time I do, I’m reminded of why I turned the damned thing off in the first place.

Case in point:  Had the tube on yesterday in “background noise” mode, when a commercial jumped out of the clutter, demanding my attention.  The product:  Freschetta PizzaMore, the latest frozen pizza product from the Schwan Food Company (who also make Red Baron, Tony’s, and other brands).  But the pizza wasn’t what caught my attention, it was that it comes pre-sliced.

That’s right:  pre-sliced.

The minute I heard that, the Eggo commercial from 2003 (where they introduced Eggo Maple Syrup) ran through my mind.  Rocket surgery, pure and simple.  Rocket surgery.

What the bloody blue blazes have we come to if we don’t have time to cut up a pizza?  Are we so busy that we can’t take the extra, what, 15 seconds to whack a slice out of a pie?  Or, are we so afraid that we’ve forgotten how to use knives that, to keep ourselves safe, we invent products that remove the need for them?

Wait, hold the phone.  Knife-less food.  Would work well on airplanes.  Ok, so maybe there are places where that would be an idea.  But … still … what gives?

What’s next, you might ask?  What will human ingenuity invent next?  I’ll tell you and (unlike the plethora of “make a million dollars … if you buy my book” hustlers) I’m going to give the idea away.  Right here, right now.  Free.  Take it and become the next great idea.

Here it is:  Pre-chewed food.  Think about it:

• Nothing to cut up.  No knives.
• Reduces (or eliminates) stress on your teeth.  For that matter, you can enjoy it even when you have no teeth, so a consumer could purchase the product for a longer period of their lives (more profits to the business).
• Guaranteed textural consistency.
• A complete meal could be served up out of a yogurt tub.  And, if the tub is “green”, so much the better.

It’s not as revolutionary a concept as you might think.  Native Alaskan tribes will pre-chew whale blubber before feeding it to people too weak to chew their own food.  No worries, thought, the Aleuts don’t hold a patent on the process.

There you go:  Pre-chewed food.  Go forth and gather VC support.

But remember:  You learned about it here.

"Well, Where's the Pleasure In That?!?"

While shopping at Sam's Club this evening, I came across the following item:

I guess it had to happen.  What started with "sugar free" sweeteners (remember saccharin?), moved on to decaffeinated coffee (remember Sanka?), and then passed through alcohol-free beer and tofurkey while stopping off at sparkling grape juice has now brought us to "wine-free ... err ... wine".  Great, wonderful, fantastic, I can hardly contain my excitement:  we've got the basic components of "synthahol" down ... just backwards (or sideways, or something).

Medical science has started to accept the fact that there are good things to be gained from drinking red wine.  It was only a matter of time before an enterprising businessman turned it into a marketable item (what with all the pomegranate, goji, and acai elixirs now on the market.  I'll buy that ... to a point.

Yet another example of how we allow ourselves to experience things (or parts of things) without having to actually experience the things in reality.  Stupid.  Oh, yeah, it'll probably make money ... but that doesn't make it smart.

Oh, and bonus points to who can tell me where the title quote came from.

Wine for the Unsure

One of the things I'm involved in is ChefsUSA (which does in-store cooking demos in 21 states across the country) as the account coordinator for the LFHI account.  That means I both demo in a Byerly's store twice a month and manage the scheduling of 9 other locations, as well as fielding questions from the chef "fleet" on the account.  Believe me, questions come from all over the board, and from both customers in the store as well as chefs in the program.

A recent favorite involved wine:  The questioner had gone to a local restaurant and was served a glass of chilled Pinot Noir.  The waiter claimed that the bartender was chilling all the reds because of the heat (we were having a rather hot run of it at the time).  Her question:  Is chilling red wine ok?

The fun thing about wine is you can get a dozen "experts" in a room, ask them the exact same question, and get a dozen different answers.  Some will argue the "old ways":

You always chill white, and you always serve red at room temperature...

Others will argue that we aren't interpreting the old ways properly:

What do we mean by "room temperature"?  Dining room?  Wine room (cellar)?  Bed room?  And when do we mean this, as in Medieval times a dining room was a colder, mustier place than it is today ...

Others still will argue that there is no argument:

Do what you want to wine.  Drink it the way you want to drink it, and to hell with what anyone else tells you.

Just do a little Googling and you'll come across online discussions that are just as lively, just as sectarian, and (frankly) just as ridiculous. 

Do I drink red wine only with beef and never with chicken?  What wine pairs perfectly with peanut butter?  To chill or not to chill, that is the question!

The answer, oddly enough, is yes.  Try this experiment sometime (I love food experiments, and wine experiments even more): 

1. Get a bottle of your favorite red. 
2. Open it and pour two glasses.
3. Put one glass in your fridge, and leave on on the counter.
4. Walk away for 20 minutes.  Go read this (or another) food blog, just don't touch either glass (as much as you may want to).
5. When the time is up, taste both glasses.

What you should find is the chilled glass seems more "focused", more things happening on the tongue than in the nose.  The cooler temperature has dampened some of the aromatics but fortified the structure of the wine.  In other words, it's pretty darned tasty.  In contrast, the wine that had been sitting on the counter should have more activity going on in your nose than in your mouth, with less and less happening in the taste department the warmer the wine gets.  Interesting, yes?

If you'd like to extend your research, try the same experiment with a white whine.  In this case, the room temperature white will taste sweeter and the chilled white more savory.

In the end, what's really important is whether you like the taste.  You may find that you enjoy both tastes (chilled and not), so why not start with the wine chilled and let it warm naturally while you drink it, giving you the best of both worlds?  Try that technique some time with friends for an impromptu wine and cheese party and see how the pairings change as the wine's temperature changes.  The only true way to become an expert is to try it yourself.

And as for peanut butter?  Rosemount Estates  Diamond Label Traminer Riesling.  Unbelievable!  Check it out!

A Good Day's Work

A friend's wedding.  A beautiful day.  The 'bar-zebo" right next to my buffet line.  A very memorable time.  I had a buffet BBQ dinner for 50 people this afternoon, which went quite well (I don't care how many times folks say it, if you say you love my cooking, I'm going to be pleased).  Check out the menu:

• Chopped smoked pork
• Sliced smoked brisket
• Smoked baby back ribs
• Jamaican Jerk Smoked chicken
• Veggie medley
• Rice
• Baked Beans
• Cole Slaw
• Potato Salad
• Fruit medley
• Dill Pickles
• 3-Bean Salad

Was it good?  Well, modesty prevents me ... but I will say that I got my first tip ($20!)  from the Texas contingent of the party (and to impress a bunch of BBQ-loving Texans ain't easy, let me tell you).  Bottom line for me is whether the bride and groom enjoyed the day.  They did, so my job is done.  I can now lie down and never get up again (I'm not kidding, I hurt).

I posted yesterday one of the techniques I use to create bulk smoked product when under the gun.  I'm too tired to graft a recipe together, but let me tell you that that the basic "braise, then smoke" technique works for more than pork.  I've used it with acceptable (according to the people eating it) results on beef and chicken as well.

The key is to keep the temperature low, both when you're braising and when you smoke.  If the fire on the grill (or in the smoker) gets too high you'll dry up all the wonderful collagen you morphed into succulence during the braise. 

Watch your fire, and you will be rewarded.  If you do nothing else, do that.

'Nuff said.  I need a shot, some quality time with my MXC collection, and some sleep.

Allez Cuisine!

In preparing for the kickoff of this month's NaBloPoMo topic (food) I came across this little tidbit:  Bocuse D'Or Europe 2008 is happening today and tomorrow in Stavanger, Norway.  That's beyond cool:  At the exact same time the first ever European qualifier for the 2009 competition is being held, bloggers all over the planet are firing up their keyboards to tackle food blogging from all angles.

Coincidence?  I think not.  I like the thought that while the best chefs in Europe are showing what they've got, bloggers are doing the same.  It has a certain Zen about it, don't you think?

If you haven't watched the Food Network (and if you haven't, why are you reading this blog?), the Bocuse D'Or is the Olympics of the food world, just like what Formula One is to racing, or The Cannonball Run is to Dom DeLuise fans.  First launched in 1987 by Paul Bocuse and Albert Romain (director of the Parc des Expositions in Lyon) as the ultimate cooking challenge, it pushes top chefs from all over the world to be their absolute best.

And with that, and another obtuse Food Network reference (this time, Iron Chef), "To the kitchen!"  Let the blogging begin!

In Retrospect: BBQ Party

I did a private BBQ for about 20 people last night. The menu included:

• BBQ Ribs
• Chopped Pork Sandwiches
• Beer Can Chicken
• Grilled Shrimp
• Grilled Salmon
• Cole Slaw
• BBQ Baked Beans
• Cornbread

(recipes will be posted ... later)

Others brought desserts (fruit pizza ... outstanding!), still others beverages. My job was the main course(s) and manning the steam tables. All in all, it was an awesome evening (I should have some pictures up soon). 6 grills ... 6 ... man, that was fun. Three for smoking, 2 for indirect grilling, one nice big 22" kettle for the chickens ... it was amazing. I won't blow my own horn ... hell I won't, I did a damn good job ... at least, that's what everyone said, and that's really all that matters: happy eaters.

If you're gonna have fun cooking for gatherings like this, you also need to accept the downside ... cleaning. So, here I am tonight, dishes are cleaned, staples packed away, and I'm finishing the night with a good bottle of wine (Jest Red ... if you like reds, this is an outstanding value) and cooking off some of the extras I didn't get to (or need to ... I always like having more ... running out is a personal paranoia of mine) prepare. Braised porn loin with mushrooms and garlic ... and a couple more beer can chickens.

As I was prepping the birds for the oven, getting them cleaned, oiled, rubbed down w/ a little seasoning (I like Mrs. Dash for this job right now), I noticed that one of the chickens had a broken leg, just above the knee joint ... and I felt a twinge of sadness when I found it. You know the kind I'm talking about: it's the feeling you get when you empathize with the physical discomfort of someone (or something) else. You hear a friend mention they got their finger slammed in a car door and you feel pain yourself. Well, there I was ... empathizing with what was about to become dinner.

Now, if any of you think I'm going to turn vegan ... forget it. I'm more curious about why I felt this ... why I actually found myself feeling sorry for the bird, even though the leg was no doubt broken long after death, sometime during the packing process. It's strange how it affected me ...

... though not enough for me not to pop them in the oven. I can smell them now ... fantastic!