As much as I hate commercial television (primarily for the commercials), I occasionally succumb to the mindlessness and have the set on in the background. Every time I do, I’m reminded of why I turned the damned thing off in the first place.
Case in point: Had the tube on yesterday in “background noise” mode, when a commercial jumped out of the clutter, demanding my attention. The product: Freschetta PizzaMore, the latest frozen pizza product from the Schwan Food Company (who also make Red Baron, Tony’s, and other brands). But the pizza wasn’t what caught my attention, it was that it comes pre-sliced.
That’s right: pre-sliced.
The minute I heard that, the Eggo commercial from 2003 (where they introduced Eggo Maple Syrup) ran through my mind. Rocket surgery, pure and simple. Rocket surgery.
What the bloody blue blazes have we come to if we don’t have time to cut up a pizza? Are we so busy that we can’t take the extra, what, 15 seconds to whack a slice out of a pie? Or, are we so afraid that we’ve forgotten how to use knives that, to keep ourselves safe, we invent products that remove the need for them?
Wait, hold the phone. Knife-less food. Would work well on airplanes. Ok, so maybe there are places where that would be an idea. But … still … what gives?
What’s next, you might ask? What will human ingenuity invent next? I’ll tell you and (unlike the plethora of “make a million dollars … if you buy my book” hustlers) I’m going to give the idea away. Right here, right now. Free. Take it and become the next great idea.
Here it is: Pre-chewed food. Think about it:
- Nothing to cut up. No knives.
- Reduces (or eliminates) stress on your teeth. For that matter, you can enjoy it even when you have no teeth, so a consumer could purchase the product for a longer period of their lives (more profits to the business).
- Guaranteed textural consistency.
- A complete meal could be served up out of a yogurt tub. And, if the tub is “green”, so much the better.
It’s not as revolutionary a concept as you might think. Native Alaskan tribes will pre-chew whale blubber before feeding it to people too weak to chew their own food. No worries, thought, the Aleuts don’t hold a patent on the process.
There you go: Pre-chewed food. Go forth and gather VC support.
But remember: You learned about it here.
